Get coffee with a friend to take your mind off relationship problems. Ask for extra hours at work if you’re having a hard time with roommates. Head out of town with some sober friends for a few hours to get a change of scenery. I have since learned I am not alone in experiencing this phenomenon. 65% being sober sucks of all those in recovery gain weight, and if you struggle with an alcohol problem, there’s a strong chance you may also be fighting anxiety, depression, mood swings or compulsive behavior. These unanticipated obstacles to wellbeing have the capacity to derail an otherwise smooth sailing recovery.
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If there is an alternative program to those that interest you, go for it. For those who aren’t into AA, I recommend Annie Grace’s support programs. It’s normal to feel like the absolute worst person in the early days when you’re forced to deal with big emotions like guilt, shame, and regret. Why do people, who have been sober for years, behave inappropriately with alarming regularity? Recently, I was asked this question in group therapy (the exact words have been edited as they were not fit to print).
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Then accept that you will never be able to take it back or change it. These thoughts sent me into a relapse several times before I finally got sober for good (hopefully). I had to change my relationship with them, which I was only able to do after a sustained period of sobriety. Every day I remember something I said or did that makes me want to slap myself and when I first stopped drinking, these “Greatest Hits” haunted me 80% of my day. For the first time in my life, I feel like I genuinely have something to offer other people and it feels good. Eventually, and rightfully so, those people broke free of me.
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Whatever you do, do it because you want to be of service to someone or something else. In fact, keep it off social media altogether. The more compassion you have for others, the more you’ll start to have compassion for yourself. I reached for external affirmations of my worth via social media likes or blog follows or audience growth and when I didn’t get what I wanted, I internalized it. There are people with whom I was very close over the years who are now just faces on social media that I interact with maybe a few times a year. It’s just what it is and in no way a value judgment on me or them.
Thankfully, there have only been a few times when someone at the table hasn’t pointed it out on my behalf and adjusted accordingly. However, when it has happened, I have to speak up to point out that I didn’t drink and I’m not subsidizing their drinking. If you’re like me, this can feel entirely terrifying. I have always hated the feeling that I’m putting people out or being difficult. Before I quit drinking, I never really used to care about dividing the bill down the middle with a group. At some point after college, it just didn’t matter if someone had a meal that was four dollars more than mine, or if they ate more edamame, or even if they had one more drink than I did.
It’s why we were saddened but hardly shocked when Binzer’s representative confirmed in June that the vocalist died of an accidental drug overdose. New details have emerged now confirming Binzer’s cause of death. No matter how badly I wanted it, I could not have imagined ten years ago that I’d be approaching eight years without alcohol or cigarettes. Milestones are fine, but don’t place unrealistic expectations on them. Some people feel really good for one month and then hit a rough spot and have to fight tooth and nail for their sobriety.
If I Had To Get Sober Again, Here’s What I’d Do Differently
- Every minute that you avoid relapse, you are proving to yourself that you have the power and capability to make your life what you want it to be.
- I’d read every book on meditation, mindset, self-improvement, depression, anxiety, you name it.
- I reached for external affirmations of my worth via social media likes or blog follows or audience growth and when I didn’t get what I wanted, I internalized it.
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